He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
