I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
