i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Do vagina's smell?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
