He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
