I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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