we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize