Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
