At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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