I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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