I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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