We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
