Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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