what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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