This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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