there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
