its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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