Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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