: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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