your thong is hanging out like whoa
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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