I'm eating all of the evidence.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize