You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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