Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
