Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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