Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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