she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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