Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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