just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I FOUND THE LEGS
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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