she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
