Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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