break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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