If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Randomize
