the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
