dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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