high people should be assigned attendants
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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