Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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