Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
