Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
