Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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