Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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