Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
