we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
