Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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