WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
