This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
