oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
