yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
