Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
