I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
two words...techno handjob
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
