Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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