I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i now understand why vodka
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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