If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize