This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
