I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
