I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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