we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
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Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
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It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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