This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
