I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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