Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
