So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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