You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
