i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm at about main and main street
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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