Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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