your room smells of hookers.
And success
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
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So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
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you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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