I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
