Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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