Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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