Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
