How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
