Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
