idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
