hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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