Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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