I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
