I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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