dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
