i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
